


izaya at mcdonalds what will he do

by capriciousparadox



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: M/M, i blame you suz for making me write this, izaya works at mcdonalds., not accurate to how mcdonalds actually works because fuck you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:00:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22646065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/capriciousparadox/pseuds/capriciousparadox
Summary: fuck you suz
Relationships: Heiwajima Shizuo/Orihara Izaya
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	izaya at mcdonalds what will he do

It stinks.

Shizuo’s brow was furrowed as he walked down the streets of Ikebukuro. There had been a certain smell in the air for the past couple days, a familiar odor that was just strong enough to be noticed. One that never failed to bring with it a massive headache… and it was only getting stronger as he walked towards his destination, which wasn’t a good sign. Shizuo sighed and rubbed his palm against his forehead.

The place he was headed to was the McDonald’s near Ikebukuro Station - his place of employment for the foreseeable future. And no, it wasn’t because Tom had fired him or something; with any luck he’d be quitting within the next couple weeks. It was just a part-time job to help ends meet while Tom was out-of-state on family matters. Shizuo wasn’t gonna get evicted or anything (Kasuka would never let that happen), but a little extra cash would definitely help him live on more than just cigarettes and pudding until Tom came back. So he applied to McDonalds. Apparently the hiring manager didn’t look too much into his employment history, and more amazingly, had never heard the name “Heiwajima Shizuo” before, and so here he was.

Now that he was only about a block away, he could definitely tell the smell had gotten way stronger than it had been before. He’d tried to tell himself he was just imagining things but it was getting harder and harder to ignore. A bad feeling had already settled heavily in his stomach and Shizuo desperately wanted to light up a smoke, but the sign outside said “smoking prohibited”, so he just sighed deeply again and pushed open the doors.

Immediately, the rotten smell became ten times worse, and Shizuo felt a vein pulse on his forehead. God just really liked fucking with him, it seemed, because standing at the register…

“Oh, Shizu-chan, what a surprise~! Ikebukuro really is a small city, isn’t it!”

...stood the last man in the world Shizuo wanted to see: Orihara Izaya, smirking at him from behind the counter, a stupid red McDonald’s hat jammed on top of his greasy, unwashed hair.

“Iiizaaayaaaa….kuuun……. What the fuck are you doing here?!” Shizuo growled as he stalked towards the register. Izaya had the nerve to laugh.

“Careful, Shizu-chan!” Izaya said, gesturing to the rest of the (currently empty) store. “This is a family friendly establishment! Are you trying to get fired before you even start working? After I had to make a special case to the manager to let you start working here?”

“No, I mean- wait, what the hell does that mean? --why are you working a minimum wage job in ‘Bukuro, after I thought I made it clear you weren’t allowed to set foot in my city again?!” Right as he said this, the woman who had interviewed him walked out of the back room of the McDonald’s. She raised her eyebrows at them.  
“Oh. You guys are friends?”

Shizuo recoiled in disgust with a vehement “No!” while Izaya simultaneously responded “Yep!” When Shizuo turned his glare back towards him, Izaya gave one of his phony, practiced smiles and clutched a hand to his chest.

“Aww, that’s cold, Shizu-chan! We’ve known each other for six years and you still consider us just acquaintances?

“What I’d like to consider is the flower arrangements for your funeral.”

“That’s sweet of you to offer, but I actually have a prepaid plan set up.”

Shizuo opened his mouth to retort, but his other co-worker stepped in first. “Well, if you know each other, that makes this easier. Izaya, can you handle his training? My girlfriend just called and I gotta step out for a bit. I should be back before rush but we’re understaffed today, so just teach him the basics and put him to work. See ya.”

“Wait, don’t fucking leave me here with--” Shizuo started to say, but the door slammed and she was gone. He was stuck there alone with the flea. He slowly turned back towards the counter, itching to chainsmoke or break something. He decided on the former because he really didn’t want to have to hack up the money for renovations, but before he could even get out his lighter, Izaya snatched the unlit cigarette from his mouth.

“No chance, Shizu-chan. Wow, you’re really trying your best to get written up! And here I was trying to help you out, too! You owe me one now, by the way.” The flea added on casually. Shizuo, still blinking at the sudden loss of his cig, snapped his eyes back to Izaya.

“The fuck I do. If we were keeping track of that shit you’d be millions in debt to me right now. Remember when you tricked me into taking the fall for you? There’s no way this covers even a thousandth of that debt.” Shizuo paused. “Wait, first of all, what did you even do?”

Izaya smirked, spreading his hands across the counter and leaning his weight onto them. “Why, I convinced this fine establishment to hire you, of course! They took one look at the name on the application and almost threw it away!”

Shizuo felt the vein on his forehead pulse again. “And why the fuck did you do that?”

“You may be a monster, but that doesn’t mean you should live on the streets!” Izaya replied, mock-scandalized. “Be grateful I didn’t tell Kasu-chan about your employment and let you save face as his dear older brother. I was only trying to help you out, you know? Can’t you believe me?”

“I don’t- I have so many problems with what you just said that I don’t even know where to start. There’s a 99.9% chance you’re lying out of your ass right now. And do not fucking call my brother that. And you better not fucking tell him, either.”

“Jealous, Shizu-chan?” Izaya grinned and stepped neatly backwards, out of the path of Shizuo’s fist. “Anyway, me getting you the job was only half the battle! You’ll have to be trained if you want to keep it. Can’t just let a wild dog loose and expect it not to shit on the floors.”

Shizuo’s face twisted at the mental image. “That was a disgustingly unnecessary metaphor, flea.” In his head, he was weighing the pros and cons of smacking Izaya and then leaving and never coming back to this job, no three days notice needed. On the one hand, he wasn’t so strapped for cash that he needed a job… on the other, he needed to pay for his electricity bills again, and he really didn’t want to be without his fans in the middle of summer. Fuck, was he really considering this??

Shizuo sighed again, heavier than ever, and steeled his will. “I literally never thought I’d be saying this, but. Let’s get started, Izaya.”

“Wow, you almost said that civilly! Keep up the good work and you’ll be a customer service ace in no time.”

“Just shut the fuck up and start.”

***

“...And that’s about it, but don’t forget to fully button your uniform! It’d be embarrassing to get a dress-code violation on your first day.”

Shizuo was maybe, sort of, definitely fucking regretting not turning around and leaving the second he opened the doors. “Why the fuck do you get to wear your stupid-ass fur coat, then? In the middle of fucking July?!”

Izaya tutted. “Well, I’ve been working longer than you, of course! Hey, you should be calling me Izaya-senpai!”

“Have all the vending machines I’ve hit you with over the years finally caught up with you and given you brain damage? Because I seriously think that is the stupidest shit you’ve ever said to me.”

“So cold, Shizu-chan. I’m trying to help you learn how human beings work. You’re hurting my human-being feelings.”

Shizuo stared at the ceiling and counted to ten, like that counselor Kasuka had tried to get him to go to once had told him. It didn’t help, which was why he hadn’t bothered going back again… that and he was probably not allowed within 100 yards of the office after he’d almost thrown the quack doctor out his window. His last few hours had been some of the worst of his life, excluding the time he’d stupidly agreed to go with Shinra to meet his “important friend from middle school”. It wasn’t like he really needed this job, anyway, he was sure there was some other minimum-wage paying job in Ikebukuro with a manager who had never heard of Heiwajima Shizuo. There had to be. He’d been pretty low-key lately too - in fact, this was the first time he’d seen Izaya in a while. He hadn’t really been keeping track, but it had probably been six months or so since he’d last caught the unmistakable stench of flea on the wind. It was just his luck, then, that out of every place of employment in the city, Izaya had to meddle here. It was almost like Izaya was following him… except Izaya’d been working there before he applied, so actually, it was more like Shizuo was following him. Shizuo’s face scrunched up at that. Ew.

Shizuo was dragged out of his musings by the sound of a phone camera clicking away. Brow furrowing (as if it had stopped being like that since the moment he noticed the faint smell of shitbag on the wind a few days ago), he looked around, and saw Izaya smirking from behind his cellphone.

“What the fuck are you doing.” He didn’t even bother saying it like a question.

Izaya kept smirking and kept his eyes on Shizuo as he began typing away on his phone. Shizuo’s suspicion grew, and he felt annoyance build up in his chest. “I asked what you were doing. Did you take a photo of me? If I see that online anywhere, I swear I’ll ring your neck.”

“No worries about that, Shizu-chan.” Izaya said placatingly, sticking his phone back into his pocket. Shizuo was about to respond when he heard his own cellphone beep. He was about to ask how the fuck Izaya got his number, when he saw it wan’t from the flea - it was from Kasuka.

Congratulations on the new employment. I’m not sure how or why you and Orihara-san made up but I trust your judgement.

Then, a few seconds later,

If you need money, you don’t need to force yourself to do this. I can just send you some.

Shizuo could feel his blood pressure rise. Izaya, still smiling, started to back towards the door, and had almost made it halfway there when Shizuo’s tightening grip became too much for his flip phone to handle, and it snapped in two. The sharp clattering noise as the pieces hit the floor was the gunshot that started the race - Izaya launched out the door at the same time that Shizuo jumped the counter, always a few seconds slower than the flea.

“IZAYAAAA!!!” Shizuo yelled, falling back into a familiar pattern. As if their meeting could end with anything other than this, just like clockwork…

...And just like clockwork, he never even heard the truck coming.


End file.
